Hi Tristan... I agree with Martin that the second version looks better.
A couple of observations about Ver 2:
The leg of the /R/ looks very light to me when compared with the stem... possibly the bowl too?
The /R/ and /k/ have similar forms. Is it possible to misread as either "Kocky" or "Rocry"?
The contiguous /ch/ ligature in Ver 1 works better for me than the update; the loop on the /k/ in Ver 2 looks abandoned.
You mentioned that you'd retained the descending /k/, which I agree fits the casual composition. It harmonises with the descending /g/ in "Angels", but leaves "Mountain" looking very orderly by comparison.