Any hints appreciated

Hello there, I’ve been working in this non commercial project, and I would like some feedback. Never drew a lettering before, and there is a lot going on. I like the slanted O but, I got the feeling it is standing out somehow. Maybe should I go to something like uncial script type. But, as I imaging this as a beer branding, it would be to cliché I guess. Also not sure about curves in general. I really want to keep the condensed part, but not sure if it treated the same way on each letter.
I am looking to hear you, thanks a lot! Please be harsh.


Comments

  • Vasil StanevVasil Stanev Posts: 502
    edited March 4
    I see nothing "leopard-y" in this. Try to include the typical pattern of the animal, its tail, or at least make the L look less like a T. There are some serious weight issues, the O e.g. is very heavy. Squint your eyes a bit and try to make the grayness even.
    There are also many other issues, each depending on the others.
  • K PeaseK Pease Posts: 60
    edited March 4
    The tiny P inside the O completely breaks the direction of reading, without really solving a problem or identifying a problem to solve. P will be more at home fitting next to A, and there are all kinds of ornaments you could put into the O if you think it needs filling.
    If you really want fancy overlaps you could try something like the below, but only if you are confident in your ability to shape it in harmony with everything else.
  • Joe ElwellJoe Elwell Posts: 19
    edited March 4
    Your curves aren’t bad to my eye. I find the horizontal serifs to be a little too blunt and stumpy compared to the finer vertical serifs of the /L and /E. Sure, there are minor optical weight issues but I think the structure could be better and slightly more legible for a start. 

    The /R round counter treatment is interesting and would implement that into the /P and /D. 

    My rough sketch is only to capture how it could be restructured. You can keep all of the letterforms condensed. The key in this will be balancing out the white space; particularly, the /O counter, P-A combo, and the R-D combo. It may entail altering the size of serifs and swashes slightly. 
  • I think @Joe Elwell makes some good suggestions. Overall, what you've got does feel like a beer brand to me, without being overly cliché. That's nice. I agree the small P probably doesn't work as it is. The swashes on L, A and D are very odd, still figuring out whether I like them. The O should probably reflect the D. As is, the D is vertical, while the O is slanted backwards. Both could work, but it will look more consistent if the O and D are treated the same. I think that LE and AR bit are quite nice and recognizable, so a plain O and P wouldn't be that bad. Anyway, good luck!
  • LeonAASmithLeonAASmith Posts: 10
    edited March 4
    First op, thank you all for these comments!
    @Vasil Stanev @Simon Cozens I thought letters were tools! Nice for bringing the question, but I am not into figurative work though (actually the original name of Lynx is Axe, but you can’t cut any woods with this logo either). Also in a nut shell: the name is referring to the animal draw on a flag. That’s why I wanted flagish decoratives forms.
    I agree with the O, I will try to work on each letter aside, because the whole word is too much for my eyes.
    @K Pease Hum Nobody seems to like the P into the O... But I already saw this things a lot, I wanted that because the word is shorter. Your solution is interesting, but I am not I can do that with the right balance.
    @Joe Elwell thanks, I agree with the counter treatments, I will check these serifs. Also thank you both for the drawings!

    PS: did not see your post @Jasper de Waard ; I agree with the most of it, and yep I need luck indeed :wink:
  • For me the O with the small P works, because maybe it's the effect of human brains to take more attention on round shapes, associated with eyes.

    The overall impression is for me a mix of different typefaces, which maybe is a pro or a con.
  • Craig EliasonCraig Eliason Posts: 947
    I think you're trying to do too much in one mark. 
    Those flaggish swashes are weird but also probably the most exciting venture of all the stuff going on. I would try simplifying the whole (for example abandoning the jumps in scale), letting those flags be the signature element (on L and A), and working on how the other serifs can be altered so that the flags don't look so much like they're an entirely foreign element to the letterforms. (Tail of R matches nicely, but baseline serifs feel comparatively stiff and typographic, for example.)
  • Thomas PhinneyThomas Phinney Posts: 1,826
    I feel that the flags on the A and D actually get in the way of the natural shapes of the adjoining letters. The bowl of the P is squished by the flag of the A, and the bowl of the R by the flag of the D. These characters would fit together much better without those flags.
  • LeonAASmithLeonAASmith Posts: 10
    Ok, thanks a lot you three you gave me lot to think about! @Thomas Phinney I am not sure what you mean by " The bowl of the P is squished by the flag of the A, and the bowl of the R by the flag of the D.". 
  • Thomas PhinneyThomas Phinney Posts: 1,826
    Well, the bowl of the P would normally be a bit wider, I would think, when I compare with L, O and D. Although I would concede that many/most of the letters are a bit condensed. If the A had no flag, the bowl of the P could fit nicely in that space, and be naturally wider. Now they compete, and create extra white space below.

    Similarly, the top and bottom of R are more often balanced, although extending the leg is certainly an option (as in Bembo). But the swash on the D forces the leg to extend, the R bowl to compress, and creates extra white space below.

    Overall, both these interior swashes seem unnecessary, and arguably even bad for evenness of color and adjacent letter shapes.
  • LeonAASmithLeonAASmith Posts: 10
    edited March 5
    @Thomas Phinney Oh are you referring to the @Joe Elwell’s design solution? Or maybe it is already too late, I will read your comment again tomorrow morning :smile: Thanks you! 


  • Thomas PhinneyThomas Phinney Posts: 1,826
    Hah! You’re right, I am looking at Joe Elwell’s version, not yours.

    So, to some up, I think what he is doing with the D swash, and putting the P bowl next to the A swash, are both problematic.
  • Kent LewKent Lew Posts: 903
    edited March 7
    Dig those serpent-tongue serifs! (Or are they antennae, perhaps?)
  • Peter BakerPeter Baker Posts: 79
    Definitely antennae. Specifically snail.
  • LeonAASmithLeonAASmith Posts: 10
    Yes @Thomas Phinney, makes sens thank you.
    @Peter Baker Oh, that’s gorgeous! The others pages are very beautiful as well. Thank you! 
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